Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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