Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
