My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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