How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
