you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
