Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
