can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
