it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
