Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
