i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
