I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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