For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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