He uses pillows to masturbate.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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