So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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