she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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