Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
