I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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