i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
