Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
