So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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