why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
did i just pee glitter
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
