Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
