My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
