she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
