just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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