So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
