I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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