I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
