So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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