I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
