You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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