you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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