I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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