I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
