I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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