hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
