I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
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he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
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I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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