How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
