I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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