I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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