Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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