She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
