You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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