well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
