I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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