thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Verdict: uncircumcised.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
