great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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