You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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