I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
