NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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