my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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