All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
