i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
being pregnant is like rehab
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
