Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
