how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
