So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
