I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
