You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
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At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
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well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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