i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
