What did we do last night that was yellow?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
