I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Randomize
