It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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