It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
youre lurking in front of me
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
