Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
