remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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