I CAN MOONWALK!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Terrible idea I love it
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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