i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
