yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
