I feel great
I just peed on a car
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
