How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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