what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
