just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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