Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
