it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
