I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize