shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
