3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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